In Hopes that Bad Santa Soon Would be There...


Twas the night of the 5th, when all thro’ Rhein Haus

All the TWIFsters were drinking, reindeer on their blouse;

Ninkasi was hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that Bad Santa soon would be there;

The hipsters were nestled all snug in their flannels,

While visions of craft beer danc'd on the channels,

TWIF Staff in their sweaters, and I in the (Polaroid camera) strap,

Had just turned on our phones and started the Square App —

When out at the bar there arose such a clatter,

We sprang from the bench to see what was the matter.

Around the corner, he came like a flash,

Through the camera set-up, and threw on his sash.

The lights on the chair we found at GoodWill,

A splash of his water, but it didn’t spill!

When, what to our wondering eyes should appear,

But Bad Santa himself, and one giant reindeer,

With Mrs. Claus arriving, so lively and quick,

We knew in a moment our camera would click.

More rapid than eagles, his TWIF posse all came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and call'd them by name:

"Now Amy! Now Brandon! Now Cynn and Melissa,

"On! Sheryl, on! Shauna, perhaps even an Alyssa?

As we drew up our camera, and were turning around,

Down the aisle, the bar goers came with a bound:

They were dress'd all in North Face, from their feet to their hood,

Their clothes were all drenched, as only Seattle rain could;

His groupie of elves all had his back,

As Bad Santa took pictures with more than one 6-pack:

His hands — how they wandered! His top coat: how stretchy,

His eyes were both hidden, those glasses, so sketchy;

And laying his finger on the side of his glass

He rose from the chair, just a slight hint of sass.

He sprung to his Uber, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all ran, their beards with a bristle:

But we heard him exclaim, as they drove out of sight -

Merry Christmas to TWIF, and to all a good night.

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-Mallory Curtis -  TWIF Event Planner (pictured left)